In China, Olympic athletes have been told to raise their own chickens. It’s not some sustainability measure, it’s simply because the food quality can’t be trusted in China.

You’re an athlete. You’re important. You should eat good food. The rest of you foolish citizens who can’t bring glory to the state can eat the regular meat. Muahhahaha.

- Theoretical Olympic Official

In another story, new regulations in California have prompted Coke and Pepsi to change their formulas to reduce levels of 4-methylimidazole, whatever the hell that is.

I have faith that someday, sufficient awareness will build and the market for products that destroy health will vanish entirely.

Until then, I find the PR messages that justify their actions extremely amusing.

Yeah, it’s really not a problem. What a ridiculous assertion. But we had our supplier change the formula anyway because we really care about health. Remember, coke = happiness!

– Theoretical Coke Official

It’s also interesting that in our culture, at this present time, we have a concept of allowing certain levels of carcinogens in our products. Surely a higher evolved civilization will come to laugh at this, much as we laugh at the doctors of yore saying that smoking cigarettes was OK.

Until we reach this point together, there will still be many people caught up unawares or unwilling or unable to change their habits. And poor health will be the result.

In a related news story, the Republicans are urging the repeal of Obama’s health care law. Their plan, of course, is to use the power of the aforementioned PR firms to convince the public to crave a healthier diet, which will cause all sorts of important reforms and localization efforts to improve our food supply, dietary habits, and reduce our dependence on foreign oil.

No, not really.

That would make sense–and this blog post is all about things that don’t.